I was putting some books in my locker the next morning when Brittney suddenly appeared next to me. I gave her a smile and a wink as I opened my mouth to greet her until I suddenly noticed the distressed look on her face, “What’s wrong Britt?”
She glanced around quickly and after making certain no one was close enough to hear her whispered in my ear, “He’s still inside me. Take your boyfriend back!”
I couldn’t help but giggle, “It can’t be that bad, I mean honestly Brittney, come on.”
She took three deep breaths and then leaned against the locker next to mine, “Oh, it was a great night. He helped me with all of the birthday stuff, he helped me wash myself in the shower, he even helped me get off three times before I fell asleep.”
“So what’s the problem then?”
“He also pulled the guest list out of my memories.”
“So…?” I looked at her with a puzzled expression.
Brittney’s body twitched a bit and her gaze went stone serious, “You two have to call off the party. You sent invites out to everyone I know… Everyone. You two don’t realize what you’re bringing here. Didn’t you two ever stop to think there might be a reason why I didn’t bring any of my other life with me?”
“Duh,” Brittney replied after another twitch, “Of course it was him! Do I ever talk like that?”
“The party is tomorrow,” I said with a frown and a shrug, “It’ll be fine. I mean, Brittney do you remember that party that you threw last year after homecoming? People still talk about that party. It was crazy.”
“That’s what I told him!” Brittney exclaimed with wide eyes as she tossed her hands out to the side until her posture suddenly changed, “I am not going to say it again, you guys are making a mistake.”
Brittney’s face pulled into a frown and she started to shake as she clenched her fists and brought them to her sides, “Chess club it will be fine. Now GET OUT!”
“Fine then. Let’s go look for a spot for me to get out then,” Brittney replied to herself quietly.
“What’s wrong with Amy? She’s right there,” Britney continued the conversation with herself as she motioned to me.
“I need to pick up a few things for the party. I don’t want to make her skip class.”
Brittney let shook her head and let out a sigh as she spun and started walking down the hallway, “See you later cutie,” She called out as she waved over her shoulder and then I could see her body shake and as she growled out, “Stop doing that! It’s freaky!”
Brittney let out a contented sigh as she plopped down next to me at lunch and leaned over on my shoulder. I heard her taking deep breaths while Kevin plopped down across the table from me. He gave Brittney an exasperated look and then took a bite of an apple.
Suddenly I heard a voice, and looked over to see Brad with a cocky smile on his face as he stood by the edge of our table, “You really think anyone will show up for dingus’s birthday party tonight? Even if you have it at Brittney’s mansion? It doesn’t matter what you promise everyone, they can smell his loser-ness from a mile away.”
“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to Brad. I just thought we would invite everyone from school,” I replied with as I glared up at him.
“Oh there is no way I would be caught dead at that party,” Brad said as his smile somehow got wider, “But I wanted to come over and wish officially shit stain here a happy birthday.” Brad then reached over and grabbed a small container of chocolate milk and dumped it over Kevin’s lunch and crumpled it in his hand and bounced it off Kevin’s forehead as he started to laugh.
Brittney suddenly stood up, which caused Brad to take a step back quickly while his eyes went to where her small balled fists were. She took a one deep breath and then said in a low tone, “Brad if you don’t turn around this instant and go back to the loser table I will reach up your ass, grab your tongue, and use it like a rubber sling shot line to fling you across this lunch room.”
Brad started to turn and then hesitated as he suddenly asked, “Why do you give a fuck about this little shit stain Britt? You’re the one that dumped a slushy on his head not that long ago. Now you’re all chummy with him?”
“I don’t give a shit about Chess club,” Brittney said as she stepped out from the lunch table and started to walk around to stand toe to toe with Brad and lock eyes with him before continuing, “But he’s dating Amy, and Amy is a cheerleader. I do give a shit about my cheerleaders. I don’t let anyone mess with them, and by extension their boyfriends or siblings. Therefore Chess club, as nauseating as he may be, is under my protection. Oh, and there is the truce that we had to swear into after the cheerleader beat down. You remember that? Or do you really want cheerleader beatdown round two in the middle of the lunch room? I was really honestly disappointed that I wasn’t the one who got to break your nose the last time and it’s been gnawing at me. Seriously, you’d be doing me a favor. The want to punch you in the face has been getting so bad recently it wakes me up nights.”
Brad gulped and held his hands up as he took a step back and then turned to go back to the table across the lunch room where the rest of the football players were sitting. Brittney let out a snort and called out loudly, “Yeah that’s right you better walk away you pussy.”
Vince stood up from the table he was at until Brittney’s gaze locked onto him and she raised one eyebrow as she yelled across the lunchroom, “Sit back down before I come over there and make you sit down little boy.”
Vince glanced at Brad until Brittney took a step in his direction and then he dropped unceremoniously to the bench at his table and went back to shoveling food in face. He continued glaring at her but I watched as she flipped some hair over her shoulder and plopped back down next to me effectively ignoring him completely. She took a few napkins off the center of the table and tossed them at Kevin, “Clean up your mess chess club. Or find a different table to sit at. I don’t particularly care.”
“Thanks, Britt,” He said as picked up the napkins and began wiping at the milk.
“For what? I was serious, Chess club. I don’t give a flying fuck about you, but he does not get to mess with Amy’s boyfriend. That just happens to be you right now,” Brittney said as she blinked her long eyelashes a few times, “Now give me your cookie. We’ll call it payment for letting you sit at my table. Either that or let me punch you in the face and break your nose. I’m one broken nose short of my quota today.”
I watched as Kevin tried not to smile to obviously while he picked his cookie up and handed it over to Brittney and then went back to cleaning up his milky mess. Hannah leaned forward and looked over at Brittney as she asked, “Why are you letting the party happen at your house if you don’t even like him Britt?”
“Oh she’s not having the party at her house,” Kevin said as he pushed the rest of his soupy lunch into a bag and then wiped his fingers off on the napkin, “She’ll call it off in a few hours and make fun of any nerds that show up.”
Fritz’s eyes went wide and he dropped his sandwich to the table and then let out a sigh, “Damn it! I thought I was going to actually get to go to the first cool people party of my high school career!”
I batted my eyelashes and pouted at Kevin as I asked in a sad voice, “You know if you keep this up I’m going to think you don’t actually want us to throw you a party. Do you not want to have fun with us?”
Kevin suddenly looked at me with an odd expression and let out a slow breath, “Just trying to give you one last out before this plan is locked in.”
“Hey Chess Club, I’ve got a better idea. Why don’t you thank Amy for throwing you a party and then thank me for letting her host it at my house before I get seriously pissed off and we go back to dumping slushies on you,” Brittney suddenly chimed in with her eyebrows raised.
Kevin looked over at her but didn’t respond and so Brittney grabbed the cookie in her fingers and snapped it in half, “Hey did you ever noticed how satisfying it is to snap something in half? Let me see your finger for a minute Chess club. I want to show you a neat trick.”
“Thank you Amy. I appreciate you throwing me a party,” Kevin said as he smiled at me and then looked toward Brittney, bowed his head, before continuing, “And one million gratitudes my most magnificent high empress for allowing me, a simple peasant, to have a celebration at your palatial estate. It is far above anything I deserve and I will forever be in your debt because of it.”
“Ow Ow!” Rachel cheered, “Brittney when I get a boyfriend I want you to train him too!”
Brittney just shrugged as she stood up, “It’s all about establishing the fact that they understand that they’re useless and you let them hang around you on a whim. Now, I have to get some books out of my locker and get ready for a test. Chess club, don’t be late tonight or I swear I will cut your cake without you.” She started to walk away from the table and then looked back over her shoulder at all of us and said, “Oh, and Fritz, you’re not invited. I told Amy not to invite any dorks. Somehow your name must have slipped through the filter. So… Yeah, I don’t know, go play some video games or something,” She flipped her hair over her shoulder and then stormed out of the lunch room, almost knocking some girl and her lunch over as she shoved open the door.
“I got uninvited from the same party twice in the same day?” Fritz asked as he again dropped his sandwich.
“Fritz, you can come. Don’t worry about Brittney,” I promised him as I winked and then saw Rachel and Hannah looking at me with wide eyes, “What?”
“Nothing. Brittney’s got a soft spot for you, so she might only break one of your legs. Or kick you off the team… Either way, it’s on you and I get the number two spot on the squad,” Rachel said as she shrugged.
“As if. I get number two spot,” Hannah said as she lightly shoved Rachel with furrowed eyebrows.
“Either way, if I get uninvited again, nobody re-invite me. I don’t want to beat my record of number of times uninvited to the same party in one day if it’s Kevin’s party…” Fritz said as he picked his sandwich back up and went to take a bite.
“You got uninvited more than twice to the same party in one day before?” Hannah asked with wide eyes.
Fritz nodded, “Yeah, my mom thinks I’m a bit of a downer, so she was on the fence about having me at her party.”
“Oh Fritz! Your mom!” I said in a sympathetic voice as my eyes popped out of my head and I covered my mouth with my hands… Mostly to keep anyone from seeing that I was almost breaking out in a laugh. Hannah, Rachel, and Tiffany didn’t seem to have the same restraint and openly began giggling.
Kevin quickly put an arm around his friend’s shoulder and said in a reassuring voice, “Don’t worry Fritz. As long as I’m invited, you’re invited. Plus I have a feeling not even you will be able to kill this party.”
“What about Brittney? I really don’t want to piss her off. She scares me… Like… she scares me more than Brad when he was beating you up,” Fritz questioned, “You don’t have any luck when it comes to bullies man,” He paused and shrugged, “Well, I mean, at least this one is hot. But she goes full super saiyan, whereas before at least it was just regular human jocks.”
Another one of Kevin’s friends added in, “Yeah, at least you could stop jocks by slipping into the library… It’s like their kryptonite,” He paused as he sighed, “But I’m pretty certain Brittney doesn’t have any weaknesses… To even actually hurt her I heard you have to find her spawn point, have the crystal key to open the locked chest she keeps her heart in, _and then _you have to have an adamantite dagger that’s been enchanted to at least hit and damage rating plus seven on top of being blessed by a priest, a monk and shaman in a ceremony that takes seven full days and nights to complete… And that only stops her for day on top of unleashing her final form.”
“You guys are all over-reacting. It’ll be fine. Brittney will be far too busy with other party stuff tonight to worry about what a few of us are doing,” Kevin said in a reassuring tone.
Hannah smirked at Kevin and replied, “Sure new guy. Brittney’s been running this entire school since her second week here. I’m going to laugh when she pops both your arms out of their sockets at your own birthday party.”
Kevin just shrugged at her and replied, “I guess we’ll see then.”
Fritz suddenly chimed back in and said, “I think I’m going to side with Kevin on this one,” And went back to quietly eating his sandwich. Hannah and Rachel exchanged looks and then rolled their eyes at Fritz before asking in unison, “Why?”
“Um, hello, I’m eating at the cheerleader table,” Fritz replied without looking up from his sandwich, “I’ve been going to this school for three years now and I would never have thought this was possible. On top of that he’s dating Amy while not being a football player and he just got Brittney to chase Brad away from him. That’s like a trifecta of things I would never have believed even a month ago.”
Hannah and Rachel didn’t seem to have a response and then Fritz added, “Weren’t both of you wearing a tank top that had his name on it a little while ago?”
“Okay fine nerd. Don’t rub it in,” Rachel said as she leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence Fritz,” Kevin said as he stood up from the table and slapped his friend on the shoulder, “And for your reward you can come and help me.”
“Where are you going?” I asked as Fritz held up his half eaten sandwich and said, “Dude, I didn’t even get to finish eating!”
“I’m gonna borrow some stuff from the A/V club for tonight’s party and Fritz is gonna help me load it up, right bud?” Kevin replied as he looked down at his friend.
“Yeah, I suppose. You ever notice how you can’t get anything done without me?” Fritz said as he stood up and they started to walk out of the lunch room as Fritz continued, “It’s like I’m Batman and you’re my sidekick or something. You’d be so useless without me. You don’t even have keys to the A/V room. You’re lucky I’m around to keep you out of trouble and…” Fritz’s voice trailed off as they turned the corner and I couldn’t help but giggle and roll my eyes at what everyone sitting around me thought they knew.
Kevin shut off his car and let out a sigh as he looked over at me, “Well, let’s do this thing.”
I pouted at him, “You aren’t looking forward to your party?”
He smiled as he unhooked his seat belt and leaned across the car and kissed my cheek softly, “I appreciate what you and Brittney are trying to do, but I don’t think either one of you realizes the night you’re in for.”
I gave him a questioning look and unhooked my belt and got out of the car. I saw him walk around to the back of the car and open the trunk and disappear as he leaned inside it. He came back up holding a box in one hand with a hula hoop in the other and shut the trunk with his elbow as we both started walking to the front of the house.
“Hey!” Brittney called out excitedly as she opened the front door, “You guys are just a touch early! What’s in the box? I told you I’d get all the food and decorations.”
“I told you both that this was a bad idea,” Kevin said as he looked at her somberly, “I will not be apologizing for anything that happens tonight.”
“Okay Mr. Sourpuss,” Brittney said as she pulled down on her left cheek with one finger and stuck out her tongue, “Now what’s in the box!”
Kevin opened it up and we both peered in to see a shiny black top hat, some colored handkerchiefs, a funny looking wand, and other random things. He then walked past Brittney into the house and set the hula hoop down by the large speakers set up in the empty entertaining room just to the left of the front doors. As he came back in to the entrance way he then went to the large closet and tucked the box in it, but pulled out some of the handkerchiefs and two small balls and started to go up the stairs.
Brittney called out, “Hey, what’s this stuff for?”
“The Artist Formerly Known as Queen always gets pissy with me if I don’t do some magic at any party we’re both at.” Kevin said without looking back at her as he disappeared up the stairs.
Suddenly we heard some cars pulling in. Janice walked out from one of the back rooms and said, “The catering company is pulling in now to set up Miss Beldamore.”
“Oh thanks Janice,” Brittney said as she looked out the front door and waved to Hannah and Tiffany. I suddenly saw her scowl and yell, “I WASN’T WAVING TO YOU FRITZ! WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?”
I started to giggle as more cars began pulling in. I stayed at the front door and greeted people and suddenly heard the music start as the DJ fired up the first song of the night and heard some of the cheerleaders already inside squeal excitedly. As more cars rolled in I glanced at Brittney and asked, “How many people did you say said yes to coming to the party?”
“Like ninety percent of the school slut. Go big or go home,” she replied with a shrug.
I sighed, “So why do you think he’s actually upset about this party? He thinks it will just get to big? I mean, how many people that he used to know would really come all the way here for a birthday party, right?”
“Whatever is up his bunghole, he could have stayed to greet people at his own party,” Brittney said as she suddenly frowned while looking down the driveway.
“What?” But before she could reply I saw a large limo heading down the driveway and asked, “Is that your parents?”
“No way. My parents would never be seen in something that gaudy and huge.” She replied as she nodded to more people and waved them in.
“Is that Elton Jaun getting out of that car?” I asked as I saw the door open.
She squinted and then looked at me and shrugged, “Maybe someone is wearing a costume?”
“Holy shit it’s Elton Jaun!” Someone exclaimed from the porch.
Before we could freak out any more about one celebrity getting out of a limo in front of Brittney’s house another limo came into view. Now Brittney had a confused look on her face as she glanced my way, “Who did you all invite again?”
“You told me to send out the e-invite to all the people that Kevin knew on social media… So I did,” I squeaked.
“Does he know the White Hot Chili Tamales? Because they’re getting out of a limo in my drive way right now.” Brittney pulled out her phone, “I’m going to need more food. I’ll text the catering people.” She stopped and looked up at me and then asked, “He said something about the Artist Formerly Known as Queen, didn’t he? You don’t really think…”
She paused as another limo came into view and then muttered, “Fuckersticks.”